Why Him?
by steepedinshadows419
Summary: 6x02 - Iris dwells on Barry's fate. Barry/Iris. One-shot.


**A/N:** Takes place immediately following WA's mini argument.

*****Many thanks to **sendtherain** for beta'ing.

*****I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.

...

_"The Barry I know would never stop running. He would find another way to fight."_

She was in tears the second she walked out of the loft. So much so that she couldn't tell how loudly she'd shut the door – had she slammed it? Or if her words had come across more harshly than she'd meant them to. She just couldn't believe what she was hearing. Sure, Barry had gone through an ordeal. But to come out of it having no hope? Giving up? It was more devastating than she could have even imagined.

Barely rounding the corner in the hall, she collapsed onto the floor and started sobbing. The obscure plan she'd had as she strode out the door had been to go somewhere she could take a breather, maybe even go to work to distract herself. But that hadn't happened. A life without Barry, and him _choosing_ that life – or death, rather – shook her to the core. _How could he do that to her? To __**them**__?_

She hated all of it, hated him for the briefest of seconds for giving up on her. Then she immediately felt guilty and apologized to an imaginary Barry, who forgave her instantly.

As she sat trying to control herself, her mind flitted back to when Nora revealed a '25 years later' newspaper, in which Barry still hadn't come back. Even then, they'd thought he was fighting to come back, that he'd disappeared and not died. The Monitor was full of crap, as she herself claimed, but now Barry had bought into it. Their second opinion was just as unhelpful as the first, even though it was much gentler.

It was amazing how Henry and Nora Allen's doppelgangers had come together on yet another earth, as if they were just as destined as she and Barry were. That probably shook Barry up too, seeing a real person resembling his mother so exactly.

She wondered why tragedy had to strike most on Earth 1. Why Nora hadn't lived here, but she survived on other earths. Why her and Barry's doppelgangers had gotten their act together and even married elsewhere before Iris had been okay with her reciprocating her feelings for her best friend here. Even Earth 2's Killer Frost had her happy ending with Deathstorm before Barry showed up.

It wasn't fair.

And with seven weeks until Barry's supposed death, what would they do? Have sex nonstop in the hope that she'd get pregnant, so at least she would have Nora as a reminder of the love of her life in the dark days ahead? Nora West-Allen had been so like Barry in so many ways. Her personality, her career choice, even her favorite ice cream mirrored Barry's. Maybe they'd never see their Nora again, but to not have any child to keep her sane while she lived out the rest of her days without him?

It only made Iris cry harder.

She'd been so sure they'd find a way to combat this. Even he had been open to it when she'd said they would do exactly that a year ago. How had the Flash, the beacon of hope in the city, lost so much hope in himself and what the team could accomplish? Every crisis had been averted or at least resolved in the past. They just needed more superheroes in one space, and it could be done. Putting everyone's heads together, they could accomplish anything.

And why did it have to be _Barry_? Iris thought selfishly. Was it his lightning? The speed force energy? His speed? All of the above?

She didn't wish death upon any of their superhero friends, but it always seemed as if Barry was the one having to step up to the plate to be sacrificed for whatever lives were on the line. And yeah, much of the time someone on the team stepped up and helped save the day, but the fact that he was such a constant target made her blood boil.

Why Barry? Why the Flash? He was the purest, kindest, most selfless soul she knew, and she'd never loved anyone more. She didn't understand why it had to be him. Why couldn't someone else take his place again? She didn't care how selfish she sounded in her head. She was madly in love with her husband and wanted a life with him.

It was so unfair. _So unfair_.

She felt her phone buzz against her and reluctantly looked to see who was calling her. It was Barry. She couldn't bring herself to answer, so she hit the ignore icon instead.

Her mind was swirling with emotions. All she wanted was to run into his arms and hold him close and never let him go; never let him make the choice to leave her behind. Or maybe, more logically speaking, she could simply tend to his pain; simply be there, so he wouldn't have to be alone.

But she couldn't just yet. She was too angry, too scared, too upset to be there for him. She needed space to breathe, to cry, to get a hold of herself. She needed a distraction – maybe work, maybe just a walk. But she couldn't talk about this to anyone. She wouldn't make that call without him. It was his life on the line after all, even though he seemed all too eager to throw it away.

_Argh._ It made her so _mad_.

All she wanted was for him to tell her it was all a bad dream, that the Monitor was lying to them and they'd found a way out of this. Or that it was a nasty trick of Thawne's even, and it would never come true.

She'd lost so many people, but losing Barry would be her breaking point. And with no Nora to keep her going, she'd simply just fade away, a shell of the powerful, truth-seeking woman she'd once been.

Sighing shakily, she got to her feet and, using the wall for support, made her way to the elevator before stepping inside. She didn't want to yell at Barry again, and she might if she stayed too close to their loft.

No, she had to get away, and hope that somehow, someway, she could find a way back to him again. That there was a solution that he wasn't seeing. That there was hope, despite what the Monitor insisted.

She closed her eyes and leaned back against the elevator wall, waiting for it to reach the ground floor.

"You said you'd always come home to me, Barry," she whispered to herself, then opened her eyes when the _ding_ of the elevator sounded. "So, come home."


End file.
